Bad case of a Broken Heart

If I can’t live without you, why am I not dead yet?
– Mayday Parade

The lyrics don’t lie. I am still alive after separating from the person I was wallowing a couple of years back. At that time, I thought love is overrated only hyped to make a heart shattered. Love twisted me from seven minutes of heaven and turned me into seconds from Hell. Just like that. I locked in my room, turned my mixed punk and rock playlist on, cried like a baby and songs on the radio only makes me devastated hearing Matchbook Romance’s Ex Marks the spot “Love is just another word for pain, it’s a broken record repeating the same thing”. Acceptance was the hardest part to sort out. I found my feet playing on the finest white sands of Boracay. I wasn’t alone. I was with friends. I’d rather go out with friends in an island than being tormented by my ghastly emotions. Misery fill the void that I can’t solely swallow. I swear I loathe self-pitying but at that moment I was crowned as the drama queen.

The “Quit Your Job. Buy A Ticket. Get A Tan. Fall In Love. Never Return” Boracay T-shirt did not work out but I bought the shirt as a souvenir anyway.

The cold and lonely nights over a glass of beer, puffed the last cigar ’till my lungs burn and walked on empty streets with a heart wrecked figuring out why the world is so unkind only made it worst. The metro didn’t sound right for me; I packed my bags after a week from Boracay and headed to Coron with new set of friends. Where the hell is Coron? I silently asked myself. Flying is the best feeling ever but with Asians Spirit butt joke brand “fly as an Asian and Land as a Spirit”, I thought I’d be dead. I realized I can’t waste my life on one miserable moment. I discontinued to pine over those great memories with the douche replacing it with kayaking, island hopping, beach basking, food drooling and God knows what.

Coron threw my pain into a dumpster but it appears it was just provisional. The sob turned into burst tears. The dreams turned into nightmares. It was like I found myself then lost it all again. I thought I turned into a new path but I guess I did not make a quick turn and still slammed on dead ends. Life is just really out of control. I remembered we booked airfare to Bohol prior our break up. I still jaunted to Panglao Island with friends. I rather get belligerently drunk, border-lining to the point of near alcoholic poisoning than being with a jerk on that Island. The number of margarita on ice felt like gulping a couple of mineral water. Glad I was with friends. Some way, somehow I got screwed but what I least expected was just right in front of me. I never thought that it was the moment that my perspectives about love change forever.

Love makes us bliss and melancholic at the same time. Relationships may not work. Life can be mean and unfair. Call it treachery. Call it Cruelty. Somehow you have to face it. Travelling touches our heart and soul. An eye opening that will give you a life-changing experience. It doesn’t matter which places you go. It’s not easy to end up in a relationship disaster but surviving it makes you even stronger. Sometimes you just need to go somewhere, find not what you want but what you deserve and remind yourself of who you are. It may not be your last but just keep on loving ’cause sometimes we hardly notice that in the end we just need the people that love us so we can finally be ourselves.

This is my entry to Pinoy Travel Bloggers’ Blog Carnival for
February 2013, with the theme: “Where do Broken Hearts go?.” Hosted
by Rain Amantiad-Campanilla of Rakistang Nars.